Wanting to Want

I am often wondering how change is possible - in others, and especially in me. What are the requirements for change to be possible? What conditions facilitate it best? Multiple things come to mind, but today I want to start with just one of them.

Willpower: The most simplistic approach is to say that people change through sheer willpower. You just identify a behavior you want to change and then you change it. If you’re not able to change, it means that you want to not change more than you want to change - usually because you would lose something else that you want even more if you changed (e.g. your comfort). Though this is quite a limited view, I think just introspecting on what your actual desires are - if you really want what you say you want - can go a long way.

Sometimes I realize that I don’t want something at all, even though I thought I would. Capitalism and social media are great at creating artificial desires: “Buy this new gadget and you’ll be happy!” or “Go on a vacation in this exotic country and you’ll find fulfillment!” One thing that we should always strive toward is distinguishing artificial desires from authentic ones.

It may also happen sometimes that there is something that I think I want, but after clarifying my desires I realize that I actually just want to want it. That’s a small but significant difference: the latter is not actually wanting, but could be described more accurately as aspiring. An aspiration is not bad as a starting point though: if nurtured well, it may grow to become an actual desire which in turn can lead to a lasting change.